Salam Alaykom,
I am looking for wisdom and guidance. I have deep anger that comes up as triggers do past experiences. Unfortunately, those experiences caused me to have deep issues with religion. Actually I have deep issues with my family when it comes to them telling me how I should be and how I should practice religion. I find my family not as loving to each other as we would be to a stranger. A lot of times they argue about what's permissible and what is not permissible. If what you think or believe does not align with what they believe I feel like I am pressured to accept it. My way of religion is very different from theirs. I like practicing as individually. I often find they way of practicing is hard and harsh. It feels like suffering is part of life and I just don't believe I have to suffer all the time. I don't have much support from my family. Thus I begin to feel angry. And this feeling of anger, I have been examining lately. I am asking God why am I so angry at them? Why does the topic of religion anger me? I have a-strayed from the path quite a bit, but i whole heartedly believe in God and His oneness. I believe in prophet mohammed as his messengers. I have gone over this multiple times in my head if i left Islam what would i believe then? I can't see myself prescribing to any other religion.. none of them makes senses except Islam. But this anger…. the emotions that I feel and that come up I don't know how to resolve it. A lot of times this anger brings me down because I am asking myself why are you filled with this anger? Then I feel shame because I don't want to be angry about religion or to my family. It is hard to talk about this to people because one I am uncomfortable being seen like this person…. and two I am concerned I will be met with negativity for being honest that I feel this way. I have been wanting to speak to a person who carries wisdom because I feel like they wouldn't judge you and would wisely know how to address someone with this issue. I feel like they wouldn't harm you when something like this is brought up. I am really looking for guidance on this…. I have tried multiple times to reach out to a masjid to have spiritual healing done and have this same exact talk with someone on this topic. I like being honest and transparent about my feelings. I hope someone is able to respond.
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